When a bride and groom has a complicated family situation — such as separated, divorced or re-married parents – or has a large circle of beloved parents, grandparents, godparents, and siblings, the issue of wedding ceremony seating arises rather quickly. Who gets to sit in the front row? Where do the parents’ new significant others sit? What happens if parents are experiencing separation or divorce dramas and do not wish to sit near each other?
Sadly, many brides and grooms do face these types of diplomacy challenges as they plan their ceremony seating plans for their ballroom’s or garden wedding venue’s set-up. When our New Jersey wedding couples come to us with their ceremony seating chart dilemmas, we may suggest the following hot trend in wedding ceremony seating: have three seating sections instead of a Bride’s Side and a Groom’s Side.
Twisting the traditional wedding ceremony seating arrangement allows for the groom’s parents to sit in the front row of their section, the bride’s mother and her new husband to sit in the front row of their center section, and the bride’s father and his girlfriend to sit in the front row of their own section. Grandparents, godparents and other honored guests then take their assigned seats – designated by their pretty, printed row-assignment cards (or ‘pew cards’ if you’ll marry in a church) – pleasing them with second-row status and not a far-back seating arrangement that makes it hard for them to see or hear the wedding ceremony.
Having a garden wedding ceremony or marrying in one of our elegant dining rooms allows you this type of freedom to customize your setting to suit your family’s particular diplomacy needs, and we’re able to arrange your ceremony chairs in these three sections – or in four sections, if that’s your request.
To give all guests a better view of you and your gown, we suggest that you conduct your processional down one aisle, and then after your ceremony is complete, walk down the other aisle for the recessional. We’ve found that our New Jersey wedding couples breathe a big sigh of relief when we suggest this type of unique ceremony seating arrangement, since they no longer have to worry about which parent gets the perceived ‘higher ranking’ in ceremony seating arrangements.
Best,
Michael Mahle, Director of Communications, Pleasantdale Château
Many of today’s brides and grooms wish to include and honor their heritages in multiple ways, starting with their ceremonies, including deeply-meaningful, beautiful cultural ceremony elements. From readings to the exchange of symbolic items such as figs or certain types of flowers, to cultural songs or hymns to crowns of myrtle or olive leaves, these wedding rituals add a deeply important dimension to the wedding ceremony. Relatives appreciate their inclusion in modern weddings, and guests outside of the couple’s heritage find them fascinating.
Cultural Ceremony
It’s important to share with your guests the symbolic meanings of your cultural ceremony elements, so that they may understand them and appreciate them. Here are some ways for you to include explanations of your cultural ceremony elements:
• Ask your officiant to explain each ritual before it is performed, sharing an anecdote about what the ritual symbolizes. Many of the top NJ wedding officiants that we have hosted here at our West Orange wedding venue have explained cultural traditions in entertaining ways, even as they shared deep and solemn meanings for the rituals.
• Each ritual may be explained by an honored guest who you have invited to step to the microphone, as a ceremony reader sharing the story of a cultural ceremony element.
Describe the ritual and what it symbolizes on a dedicated page in your wedding program. Guests can then read about the ritual’s steps and meanings as they are enacted, and readings spoken in a cultural language may be translated in the program as well. Here at our New Jersey wedding venue, we have seen wedding programs translated into many different languages for guests’ understanding.
Design your wedding ceremony seating so that all guests can easily see and hear the cultural ceremony element being enacted. For an outdoor garden wedding, it’s wise to use a speaker system for guests’ ease of hearing the words of a reading or what your officiant is saying as you are crowned or as your hands are bound together with a symbolic scarf, cord or floral garland. And guests do wish to see that special moment of the groom stomping on the glass during a Jewish wedding, as well as the symbolic moment of your presenting traditional wedding items to each other’s parents.
You’re designing special cultural ceremony elements, and it adds even more to your ceremony when all in attendance can observe them well.
Best,
Michael Mahle, Director of Communications, Pleasantdale Château
In the traditional wedding ceremony, the bride is escorted to the altar by her father – or by both parents – who is then asked, “Who presents this woman in matrimony?” This element of the wedding ceremony is one that many of our New Jersey and tri-state area brides either adore for its traditionalism and long history in their family weddings, or wish to eliminate from the ceremony, as they don’t wish to be ‘given away’ to their grooms.
The Bride
To help you decide on the ‘giving away’ portion of your processional, we offer some options:
• When you are escorted down the aisle by your father, by your parents, or by both father and step-father, your officiant can change his or her statement, asking, “Who brings this woman forward?” and then the parents may answer, “We do.” Many of our local wedding couples like this wording, since it is a true statement and doesn’t carry any implication of ‘giving away.’
• If you will be walked down the aisle by your children, the officiant may ask, “Who presents this bride to her groom?” to which the children answer, “We do.”
• If your father is deceased and your mother is walking you down the aisle, the answer to the officiant’s question may be, “I do, and in spirit, her father does,” which is a very touching moment in a wedding ceremony. Of course, if your mother is deceased and your father walking you down the aisle, your father may say, “I do, and in spirit, her mother does.”
• In many weddings we’ve seen here at our West Orange locations, brides choose to walk down the aisle on their own, unescorted, both for first-time and encore weddings. Thus, no one is asked to give her away. She simply approaches on her own.
• In some weddings, the bride and groom walk down the aisle together, not requiring the question as well.
• You may instruct your officiant not to ask any such question at all.
It is your wedding ceremony to create, according to the wording and symbolisms that work best for you.
Best,
Michael Mahle, Director of Communications, Pleasantdale Château
